Leslie Griffith

McCain becomes Borat

Watching John McCain lately feels like meeting Borat.These are actual quotes from McCain.

On exporting cigarettes to Iran:

Sen. McCain: "Maybe that's a way to kill them."

Borat: "Throw the Jew down the well

           So my country can be free

           You must grab him by his horns

           Then we have a BIG party."

Reporter: "Mr. McCain you voted against a bill that would require health insurance to pay for birth control."

Sen. McCain: "I don't know what I voted." McCain scratches his head.

Borat: "In Kazhstan we say...

1.    God

2.    Man

3.    Horse

4.    Dog

5.    Woman

6.    Rat

7.    A small Katzoee (?) .."

Message from comedy lovers to Sen. McCain: Satire only works when people don''t believe you would do it.

PAM-EE--LA   help!         

Hooked on Hookers

Published on The Huffington Post and The San Francisco chronicle

Why are we so concerned about hookers?

To start with, our puritanical nation loves a good sex scandal. Sure beats talking about the war, or doing any real reporting. Americans can talk about sex 'til the Viagra runs out -- or longer.

But there's some stinkin'-thinkin' in the sad and masochistic drama of New York's governor, and it's not necessarily Eliot Spitzer's penchant for purchased flesh I am referring to.

As a television reporter, I traveled the world with men. I had to depend on them, and they had to depend on me. We became friends. The most libidinous of the group sometimes hired hookers in foreign lands, and when I protested with puritanical indignation, I got an education.

One night "the boys," as I called them, sat me down and explained their point of view. According to those who indulged themselves, men who hire prostitutes believe it is better than cheating on wives and girlfriends. If you don't think men and women are different on this issue consider this: When's the last time you heard of a woman hiring a man for an evening of hunk-uh, hunk-uh burning love?

But, before we get scrappy and mount that judgmental high horse, let's consider this: Men with power and money are insecure. Riding that pinnacle of power is one heck of a slippery slope, and it always has been. That is not necessarily a bad thing, but after claiming power and money and privilege, boundaries get blurred. Even presidents misbehave. And when they haven't had the good manners to hire a professional; when, instead, there is a name attached, it really hurts. Just ask Hillary Clinton.

The rise and fall of anatomical parts is, and has always been, a vitamin booster for the male ego. In the case of some men, a woman on her knees is the only kind they want. Some people like anonymous sex because it provides exactly that -- anonymity and fewer people get hurt.

From the hooker's point of view, face-to-face sex is much too personal. A kiss on the lips might be expected -- gag, choke, puke! So everyone gets what they want.

Remember Sen. Larry Craig and the airport bathroom stall? My only question after finding out Craig may be having anonymous gay sex was this: Did Craig give blood after 9/11 with the rest of the Senate? If he did, he should have abstained. Those who practice high-risk sexual behavior -- and then put others who don't at risk -- are criminals.

Remember when Hugh Grant picked up a Hollywood hooker? He was resoundingly criticized and the victim of many a disgruntled female-fan's snort of indignation. I thought back on when my co-workers had the "hooker" talk with me and said, "At least Grant did not pick up a woman from a bar, take her to his hotel room, have sex with her and never see her again." That would have been devastating for that young woman. Instead, he did the polite thing. He hired a professional.

There is a reason hookers are on every street corner -- men want them there.

In the governor's case, if there is anything truly hard to stomach, it is the hypocrisy of rounding up hookers and putting them in jail, then taking advantage of the process to target fresh meat.

(first published on Huffington Post)

"A Lover's Quarrel with the World" --Robert Frost (written with Mac Griffith)

I have also had a lover's quarrel, but it is hard to keep it so. Sometimes my quarrel with the world is so sharp, so intense, that all the love seems lost.

Love is a safety net, allowing quarreling trapeze artists to swing high overhead, joining and parting, with no fear of falling. I envy Mr. Frost his ability to quarrel with the world and love it still. In my quarrels with the things of this world, I am sometimes afraid to look down, afraid that the heat of my anger has burned up the safety net.

I have a quarrel with bold, confident leaders who rally the nation to war based on slivers of truth. The whole truth serves in court; it should serve for the American people. My craft, journalism, is full of pros, cons, doubts, and ambiguities, but I must choose not to spin some facet of the truth, in the manner of teenagers desperate to go to a party.

I don't want leaders who instinctively trust the bold assertions of the likes of the Karl Roves of this world and who instinctively distrust the sober cautions of the Joe Wilsons.

I do not want to have to struggle with my own government in sorting out fact from fiction. I have accepted infomercials, but I cannot make peace with either journatainment or journamercials. I want people to remember the difference between sound journalism that enlightens and Jerry Springer's cult of perversity. I want to know the Edward R. Murrows and the Walter Cronkites of today. I want to turn on the radio and the television news and hear the truth, not advertisements for drugs that keep Americans in a constant state of lightness and emotional detachment. I want to be like Mr. Frost and have only lover's quarrels with the world, but it is hard.

The drip of small lies carves a deep channel. Democrats, Republicans, it does not matter. Imagine President Bush and Vice President Cheney telling us the truth about Iraq, Afghanistan and now Iran and Pakistan. The truth would forever elevate them to the status of humans in touch with reality during difficult times. My lover's quarrel intensifies.

Imagine Clinton, Obama, Edwards -- all politicians saying, "If the good people, in their wisdom should see fit to keep me in the background, I have been too familiar with disappointments to be very much chagrined." Abraham Lincoln said those words. He would probably have trouble getting elected county coroner today. I want to be like Mr. Frost and have only lover's quarrels with the world, but it is hard.

Americans are now what appears to be a permanent fixture of the fighting in the Middle East where Sunnis kill Shiites in tribal warfare thousands of years old, and Jews and Muslims kill each other for God. They cannot share the land because God has told each side that it is theirs alone. Each side has sites that are holy, that God has ordered them to die for and kill others for. These sites are dirt piles, as are all the other sites on this earth, but these are special dirt piles, special enough for God to grant an exemption to the rule against killing. Thou shall not kill except in the interests of holy dirt. There are Christian cults who are thrilled with all this killing because it signifies to them that the Rapture is coming, a Rapture in which God will lift them to heaven while leaving billions of wrong believers to rot. And they call this, with a straight face, rapture.

It is hard to keep it all sorted out. The Christians have only stopped killing the Jews in recent times. The Christians and the Muslims are killing each other, as are the Hindus and the Muslims, but only when they have the chance. I would like to be like Mr. Frost and have only a lover's quarrel with the world, but it is hard.

I think Mr. Frost is right, but his task requires a fearsome discipline. It requires the remembrance of woods on a snowy evening. It requires remembrance that many politicians are doing their best. It requires that the people also do their best and refrain from voting for politicians who feed them only their favorite morsels of truth. It requires remembrance that many reporters are still trying to get it all sorted out and serve it up as Mr. Cronkite would say "The way it is."

I try, not always successfully, to maintain Mr. Frost's discipline, so that I can bring to my quarrels with the world some safety net of love. But, it is hard.

Bring on the Lobotomy

It certainly was a slap-your-head, what-was-he-thinking-moment. FEMA decided to call a press conference and then held it without the press.

FEMA. Perhaps the acronym should stand for fabricated emergency manipulated amateurs. I thought I had seen it all, but a fake press conference with agency staff posing as reporters... Five, four, three, two, one -- you're on! Hurray for Hollywood.

When the Oakland Hills caught fire in 1991 I remember a photographer wanted to move a piece of smoking wood so he could light the background more dramatically. That is certainly not a cardinal sin, but it's better not to stage anything when it comes to reporting the news. Little compromises lead to big ones as we saw yesterday. And good God, how much drama does one country need? Thousands of homes lost, lives in ruins, palpable anguish. Remembering the Oakland Hills firestorm, my stomach ached for the victims of this one.

And call me old fashioned, but I want the FEMA fellow on the scene with a little schmutz on his face not perfectly coiffed like an air-brushed television anchor behind a podium. If he's on the scene, chances are he's more likely to have the empathy that should be a prerequisite for that job.

Now, having said that, let's cut the guy some slack. It's not as if it was George Bush telling us Iraq had nuclear weapons. It was the FEMA guy trying to avoid another shit storm.

I have seen many a capable person publicly lobotomized as they turn to Jell-o and their I.Q. drops to the ground during live interviews. It's not as easy as it looks. I imagine it was fear of the unknown that led to the deputy director's bad decision. Avoiding the "deer in the headlights" look is always good and the unknown is what usually causes that. Wouldn't we all want to know what the questions are going to be before we get them? Not knowing them and answering with sincerity, empathy and facts is what separates the girls from the women. My guess is the poor FEMA fellow just wanted to get home without having to wipe humiliation off his shoes. Remember, on live television saying one thing wrong can get your fired. A fake press conference was stupid all right, but we've certainly seen worse lately, so let's lower the bar for this guy. But first let's explain the rules.

News is not supposed to be staged. FEMA staff members had not been out covering the fires and they are not reporters. This is how it is supposed to work.

Inform the audience. Tell them everything you know. Public officials should always tell the truth without slant or spin. (I know that sounds terribly naïve these days.) If you don't want to get grilled by an angry mob of journalists, tell them what you know, and if you don't know the answer to the question, promise to get it. There's nothing wrong with saying you don't know. There is something wrong with not finding out. Be available all the time with updates. Give the press your phone numbers. Tell them to call you day or night. This was a national emergency. Sleep is out of the question anyway. Remember, good reporters are public servants. They have to get information to those who need it. And after 25 years reporting, I can tell you journalists love anyone who works hard and tells them the truth. You don't have to be an actor with perfect delivery -- just a caring conduit of information.